Scribbling down my wandering thoughts, observations and beauty
I am grateful for the family and friends. Wearing one of the many cultural dresses and celebrating one of the many festivals of my Nepali friend. Sometimes it is in differences that we come to an agreement to. The existence of different colours brighten up the whole world. Existence of different races and nationalities makes this world unique and wonderful. Happy Teej to all the celebrators!
I am grateful to winters that chill, summers that are warm, autumn that are cool and springs that blossom.
To tell you that times had been hard on me seems unfair to those whose times had been harder. To tell you that I have faced challenges, it is unjust to those people who have overcome those mighty challenges and left a trail. However, yes we do face challenges leaving aside the severity and minuteness of it. Of all the challenges we face everyday, facing myself and living up to my own values and expectations has been the hardest.
People tell us to care less about what the world has to say, instead listen to what we have to say to ourselves. What do you say to yourself? sometimes, aren’t the words the world says the same word we want to say to ourselves? Anyhow, I think it depends on the horizon of your world. The words that you think is the worlds’ is your world. It is merely my opinion and the way how I view the world. My family, friends, the school I attended, the college I attended, the community I was born and brought up, the community I lived in, the community I travelled to, and the country I am from, the traditions I was groomed with is the world I know. The Geography class in my school days taught me about the Solar System, but to this age I don’t really know the number of planets in that system. That above mentioned is the world I know of.
The words of the world really don’t shout and pinpoint at you to be this or that, but it whispers to each and everyone of us to be best. To be yourself. To do what you really love. We have been the world all along and each and everyone of us in our own tiny little progress aims to be at best. The words of the world are very general. Be the best? Best of what? Isn’t it the questions we ask to ourselves from the questions of the world to a personalized self that build the best self? Isn’t it over-coming the self challenge that overcomes the external challenges. Yes, of all the challenges I face everyday, facing myself and living up to my own expectations has been the hardest.
I think it is not the world we shouldn’t be listening to but to speak more to our self through the voices and words the world keep throwing upon us. I don’t regret not reaching the peak of the mountain but for not taking that first step. I don’t wish the world change, I wish I can change.
It just have to be a beep on my notification bar of my phone, I run from all the nook and corners of my room to check that notification. The notifications that beep in my hands reach. The screen time of my week has gone up by 18% this week. It says I spent 7 hours 30 minutes on phone each day. I am surprised! Surprised to the point of rolling my eyes and opening my mouth in awe, as if I am observing someone. You spent that many hours on phone? That is what I want to ask myself but I already know, I did. The flashbacks of watching 5 seasons of show in one go, scrolling through Facebook newsfeed for hours, hours of drooling over the TikTok videos, uselessly and effortlessly scrolling through Instagram feeds and many more. That is how long I spent each day on phone, on an average 7.5 hours a Day.
My ama says that her neighbor has a phone that costed Nu.8000 and that internet works better in his phone than hers. She tells me this story through her Wechat account. The only person she calls and messages are her children who has social media accounts and her husband. She says it makes her happy seeing us through the camera lens. Sometimes she doesn’t say it, but I know my mom who finds happiness in those little small faces of ours.
My apa says he watches religious discourse on his lonely and alone times through that mobile lens. Just like my ama, he also calls us and our ama. My apa never says he is happy, he must not be happy. He hasn’t been happy for so long, but I know my apa who hides that pain behind those hidden smiles and emotions.
My ani says she has no time for phones, she is either busy doing gardening or tending to her sickness. But, I know my Ani who makes time to call us through that mobile lens and who is always there on the other side of the phone if we make the ring.
My Ashang, just as my ani, he doesn’t have time for mobile either, he is busy tending to his business and working for life. But, I know my Ashang who used the same black and white mobile for so long until it served no purpose and who is always there on the other end to respond from that mobile lens.
And today I created a family group chat including my ama, apa, ashang, ani, my sisters and brother. If I spent 7.5 hours on average on screen, I want part of that screen time be the time I spent with my family. With someone who love me and with someone whom I love.
I know a woman who wakes up even without the ring of alarm and prays every single morning. She prays for the well being of all, she prays for her sins from past life to be lessened, she prays for for the obstacles to be ridden out of the way, she prays for her children, she prays for her husband’s return and she prays everyday for everyone except for her. She is my mom and in her prayers I take the solace.
I know a man who wakes up from sleepless night and prays every single morning and every single night. He prays for the the sentients well being, he prays for his family, he prays for his wife, he prays for his children and he prays to return soon to where he belonged. He is my dad and in his prayers I confide my prayers.
I know a sister who wakes up without the ring of alarm and prays every single morning. She prays for her brother’s return, she prays for her children, she prays for her husband, she prays for the sentients well being, she prays for answers to a single question. She is my aunt and in her prayers I confide my prayers.
I know a husband who wakes up before the alarm and prays every single morning. He prays for his old age, he prays for his children, he prays for the brother of his wife, he prays for his wife, he prays for the sentients well being. He is my uncle and in his prayers I confide my prayers.
And here I wake up after the ring of alarm and seldom prays. But I confide my seldom prayers to theirs in the hope that prayers does magic. I seldom believe in magic, but prayers are one magic I believe in.
I have written this post sometime at the beginning of this year, on 23rd January. In the inconsistent journey and trying of looking and changing of self I was reading a book by Robin Sharma titled “The 5AM CLUB”. Yes, I did decide to wake up at 5AM on reading the book but woke up waking up at 6:15 AM the next day. Even later the following days. In the “To Do Lists” of mine you will always find that I want to write something, an article or anything. This writing yearning is the only consistent list in my inconsistent habits and days. Following are what I jotted that day. I am writing this here for my electronic storage.
Title: Being Desuup
Before being anyone: Be human. But, if you want to be a Desuup before being human, I approve you be the Desuup. I tried reciting the honor code of Desuup. Even wrote it down (My dzongkha handwriting is awful). It has been quite sometime, to be exact, about two years now since the last time I recited the honor code. This is more shameful than embarrassing, however, I am writing this down. With all the my energy and dedication I took this vow about four years ago (2017) with fellow dessups. I had memorized it during the 35 days training period, but, this has almost rusted in my memory over the years.
That is what I wrote that day. But to keep myself on track again, I am writing down the core values of Desuung.
I know I am lacking in most of the areas of what I should be doing as Desuup, but deep down in the heart of my hearts I know with 101% surety that being a Dessup is also being a good human being.
P.S: Immense thanks to our Desuup mates who could be of service to the nation at the times of need.
For today’s post I am unable to decide the title, I leave it to whoever comes through this post to decide the title of their own. Yesterday’s post took a turn of what I was actually intending to write. That is what happens when you don’t own a concrete plan of your own, however, on the positive note we can be flexible. Let us keep it that positive (haha).
A week or two ago, I listened to an audio book of James Clear titled Atomic Habits. Yes, I tam trying to find and create a better version of myself reading and listening to stories and tips from other people. Actually, I played the audio on repeat mode whenever I walked to station from home in the morning and 30 more minutes in my train journey. Later, I subscribed to his free news letter. This is my first week of receiving the news letter. I don’t want to focus on the pattern of his newsletter but the one that drew my attention. I read the newsletter three days ago and the question “Six months from now, what you will wish you had spent time on?” and it is still stuck on my brain. What will I wish I spent time on? Certainly, I will wish I wrote an article or two on this blog in the next six months. So, here I am.
There are many things or there is nothing I can take note of, but what if I reflect that question in next six months and wish I spent a little more time finding out and carrying out the list. Do you think six months is too long? Let us do the list for three months or even for one month, you want to list for even shorter? Let us cut it to a week or a day. Let us take it one day/month at a time to reach an year and then a lifetime. We never know if it is the six months or the lifetime that we will reach first to. I hope this question will ring you a thought or two to spend your time and energy on.
Here is the list I will wish in next six months and the list may continue.
What would be your wish in next six months? Okay, grab a pen, paper and start with your six/three months, a week or Day wish-lists. Let us start from there. Good luck!
P.S: The title of the post for me is “SOMU’s SIX MONTHS WISH-LISTS”
I have been trying to read books and engage in some meaningful activities during this lockdown. I have been trying but lately I have started doing few of the things I thought I was trying, but have never really done. This has always been me. Me since high school, me since college, and me since few years ago. The “me” whose thoughts and plans runs wild and beautiful in thought but moves slower than the pace of snail in practical life. I can certainly guarantee you that the snail will have reached miles at it’s pace when I wake up to start one of my wild running thoughts, but I can barely guarantee the miles I will cover. This is not something I should be bragging about, but here I am. Because I have neither success stories to share nor inspirational/motivational experiences you can envy. This is simply like daily journal of mine. I have kept myself away from doing doing all the things I wanted to do and I want to do. The obstacle to me is Me: the greatest of all obstacles. This is amusing, but I think it is the fact too. Welcome to building and support of ME.
P.S: Just jotted the momentary thoughts that visited me as I was writing this post.
I want to wake up to the belief that all of us are trying to be better everyday. That we are trying in our own small and big ways to think something better, to act better and hopefully everything for better. Just as I am wrecking my brain to put some words into this page. Just one more minute, another second thought, one step further, and just one small act is all it requires to be the person we aspire and see ourselves one day.
The future I see about myself is very wake, at least right now. But I wake up believing that if I try a little harder for the better, I will one day wake up to the person I was always meant to be. At 27, I am still forcing myself to wake up at the first ring of my alarm, guilty for the prayers I skip almost everyday, questions on the unhealthy thoughts that visits in consciousness, still raises the beat of my heart to raise a question, puts away the books I should be reading, and so many tiny bits and pieces that needs fixing. I am the definition of imperfection.
I think it should be okay to be whoever we want to be coz there can never be another you. This is merely my random thoughts and I am penning down for the lists of being a little better than yesterday for this blog. This writing is one of the many things of what I want to do on the definition of person I want to be.
In one hour
There are many things
I want to do
In an hour
And I wonder how
Many things I want to do
In one life
On this beautiful day of one hour
I want to take a walk
I want to sit on lush green ground
Want to listen to a music
Want to write a line or two
I want to take one or two picture
I want to have a glass of cool water
I want to feed my body to a healthy lunch
I want to connect to family and friends
In one hour
And you ask me
What I want to do with my life?
I will keep living to one hour
Doing things I want to do
In one hour
My life will be combination of
These one hours
Until next one hour.
P.S: Random wandering thoughts. I think it is the small minutes and hours that add up to our life, however long or short it may be.
Wandering Thoughts 